Let’s face it. None of us have women completely figured out. Once you think you have all the answers, the questions change. But that’s one of the reasons why we love them. They keep us on our toes.
One thing I do know is that her happiness directly impacts your happiness. Since I want you to be happy, and you want her to be happy, here are seven phrases you should avoid when communicating with your lady.
1. “That’s not how my mom did it.”
You may have a wonderful mom, but don’t suggest your mate be like her. She’s her own person and she wants you to love her for who she is, not some ideal of who you want her to be.
Instead, let her run with her ideas. Chances are, she’s a bright girl, and if there’s a better way to do something, she’ll figure it out. Just like your mom did.
2. “Are you going to wear that?”
Translation: you look ugly, have terrible taste, and I would be embarrassed to be seen in public with you. Whether you meant it that way or not doesn’t matter. What matters is how she takes it.
Instead, when you’re going out, let her know what you are wearing and have her match you (or vice versa). While you’re at it, let her know how beautiful she is and how you’re a blessed man to have her.
3. “Is it that time of the month or something?”
If she doesn’t slap you for this one, she’s a saint. It doesn’t matter if it’s true or not, this phrase is off-limits. It’s like putting gasoline on a fire. You just don’t do it. Besides, her bad mood might not be caused by her monthly visitor, it might be because she has to deal with you on a regular basis. I’m sure you’re not always a peach.
Instead, do everything in your power to make the atmosphere around her better. If you have kids, make sure they behave. If the house is dirty, clean it up. If she seems crabby, help her out. Offer a back rub, a foot massage, or give her time take a relaxing bath. Be helpful, not hurtful.
4. “My ex used to _______________.”
First of all, if you use any form of this phrase, you are a tool. I mean that in love. Do you really think your lady wants to be compared to the other women in your life? Bringing up an old flame rarely leads anywhere constructive. Plus, you’re not together anymore for a reason, why should she accept pointers from a failed relationship?
Instead, create new memories and experiences with your lady. Show her your present reality with her washes over your previous memories with another. Prove to her that your past relationships were merely rivers that led to the ocean of your true love.
5. “If you really loved me, you’d _____________.”
If you’re using guilt trips and manipulation to gain her affection, that’s a weak play. You may get whatever your (blank) is, but you won’t get something real. Real love doesn’t use conditional words like, “if, when, because.” Real love is unconditional and flows naturally, not by coercion or shame.
Instead, ask her how you can better love her and then do it. Speak her love language and see if it doesn’t come back to you in spades.
6. “It detracts from your beauty.”
This is one I got in trouble with early on in our marriage. My wife got a nose ring, and it looked pretty cool. Over time, I couldn’t help but stare at it when I talked to her. One day, she mentioned she was considering taking it out. I chimed in, “I like it, but it does sort of detract from your beauty.” She ended up getting rid of the nose ring, but those dreaded words have come back to haunt me. Today, we can laugh about it. But it was another lesson in, “It’s not what I mean, it’s about what she hears.”
Instead, I should have been more clear and let her know she is beautiful just the way she is. Accessorized or not.
For you, it may not be facial piercings, she may ask you about her hairstyle, hair color, make-up, jewelry, etc. Let her know how attractive she is and suggest she ask her friends for their take on beauty care. Because all you know is she looks good.
7. Say nothing.
You may resort to the safest play you can make—silence. You think you’re good to go sitting there parked in neutral. But in relationships, there’s no such thing as neutral. Let me repeat that. In relationships, there’s no such thing as neutral. The silent treatment is like going in reverse.
When you choose to say nothing, what you are really saying is she’s not worth communicating to. Again, it doesn’t matter if that’s what you mean, it’s about what she hears. And your silence is speaking volumes. The safest play you can make isn’t to keep quiet, it’s to think before speaking.
Instead, listen to her and talk to her openly. When you screw up and say the wrong thing (it will happen), apologize, and make things right. And never leave her guessing as to how you feel about her. Show her and tell her. She deserves it, after all.
There you go. Seven phrases you shouldn’t say to your mate. Now, it’s your turn.
What else should a man never say to a woman? (Ladies, your inside secrets would be greatly appreciate here).